shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
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HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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