i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
