I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize