We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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