soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
