In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
