I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
