fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
