She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
