And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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