Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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