The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
