Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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