you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
