Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize