you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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