rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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