Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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