hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I smell like Dick and happiness
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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