So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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