good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
