Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
