You just made me feel so damn special
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
