That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize