Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
