Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
