A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You are the jesus of drinking
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
