I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
