thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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