put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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