Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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