I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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