Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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