i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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