He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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