I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
