Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize