And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
