I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
