I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
