he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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