LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
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We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
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Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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