I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
