I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
