I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
