a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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