When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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