The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
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That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
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I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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