Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
