4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
