i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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