No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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