She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
