My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
