reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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