when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
