there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
