doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
