I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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