The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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