dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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