Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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