It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize